You were a child and the world was like this big fucking box of donuts and you couldn't wait to get all that cream? It would just gush out and you'd be all like, "Yes. Fucking Yes. More of that!" and then the world just exploded with flavor.
Goddamn I miss those days.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
(#2) S.A.S. On: The Drug War in Mexico
Our second feature here at Scotty Stapp L.L.C.. This week we will be talking about the Drug War in Mexico...
The Drug War in Mexico started in 1865 as the Civil War in the United States came to a close. Pissed off with the way black people were running the country, all of the Mexican'ts decided to runaway to the south of the United States, in Texas.
Texas president Daniel Boone said, "Uh-uh, Beanies. Not on my hog-watch." He then proceed to kick them out to the uninhabited region south of Texas. This is how come Mexico is called Mexico--because it was founded by Mexicans who had been kicked out of America.
Mexico then celebrated its new independence with a two-day rum orgy. One older gentleman fucked a Sun Bear. According to a very stoned witness the act was, "Pretty nuts, dude."
Soon after the fucking of the Sun Bear (which lead to the fall of Drunk Farmer Politician Pancho Villa) a young man named Cesar Chavez was born (yes, as a young man), and he celebrated his birth by immediately inventing cocaine out of the extract of the Bolivichan Coca plant.
Flash forward to six years later and Mr. Chavez was all up in that cocaine business. All was going well until Cesar decided to shoot the president of the united states of 'merica in the face.
Thus began the great Mexican Drug War and the Merida Initative.
-Reportage by Scottalanstaaaaaaapp.
The Drug War in Mexico started in 1865 as the Civil War in the United States came to a close. Pissed off with the way black people were running the country, all of the Mexican'ts decided to runaway to the south of the United States, in Texas.
Texas president Daniel Boone said, "Uh-uh, Beanies. Not on my hog-watch." He then proceed to kick them out to the uninhabited region south of Texas. This is how come Mexico is called Mexico--because it was founded by Mexicans who had been kicked out of America.
Mexico then celebrated its new independence with a two-day rum orgy. One older gentleman fucked a Sun Bear. According to a very stoned witness the act was, "Pretty nuts, dude."
Soon after the fucking of the Sun Bear (which lead to the fall of Drunk Farmer Politician Pancho Villa) a young man named Cesar Chavez was born (yes, as a young man), and he celebrated his birth by immediately inventing cocaine out of the extract of the Bolivichan Coca plant.
Flash forward to six years later and Mr. Chavez was all up in that cocaine business. All was going well until Cesar decided to shoot the president of the united states of 'merica in the face.
Thus began the great Mexican Drug War and the Merida Initative.
-Reportage by Scottalanstaaaaaaapp.
Bones...
Is a pretty good show.
Minus the glaring and numerous scientific inaccuracies...
-Dr. Dr. Dr. Scott Alan Stapp.
Minus the glaring and numerous scientific inaccuracies...
-Dr. Dr. Dr. Scott Alan Stapp.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
it turns out...
As much as I want everyone to like me... well, maybe somethings just aren't mean to be... maybe some people just think I'm a total boner and a jag. I mean, who knows? I don't want to be a jag but maybe there's nothing left other than a jag for me to be right now? I dunno... it seems like a difficult thing to think about--jag this, jag that--but what isn't as nuts: who's the jag now? Huh? Total jagoff, amitright???
Monday, December 5, 2011
I came
to bring the pain hardcore from the brain
Let's go inside my astral plane
Find out my mental based on instrumental [enjambment]
Records hey so I can write monumental
Methods I'm not the king but niggaz is decaf
I stick 'em for the cream check it
Just how deep can shit get - get deeper than your fists
And brothers is mad pissed accept it
In your cross colors clothes you crossed over
And now ya totally crossed out and Kriss Kross
Who da boss niggaz get tossed to da side
And I'm the dark side of the force of course
It's the method man from the wu-tang clan
I be hectic and comin' for that headpiece protect it
Fuck it two tears in a bucket
Niggaz want the ruckas? so bust it at me son now bust it
Stylez I get buckwild method man on some shit
Fuck'n niggaz foul son I'm sick
Insane crazy drivin' miss daisy
How the fuck am I? now I got mine I'm swayze
Is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son lemme know it's real
Load it up and kill one
Load it up and kill one
Load it up and kill one
If it's really real
When I was a little stereo I used to be the champion
I always wonder when I would be the number one - hey hey hey
And now you listen to me darcon darcon
- - -
And all you niggaz come and test me test me
I'm gonna lick out your brains
Mothers wanna hang with the meth bring the rope
Cuz the only way you hang is by the neck
Nigga pump off a set comin' through all your projects
Take it as a threat or better yet it is a promise
Comin' like a vet on some old Vietnam shit
You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm on it
And it'll get even worse word to god it's the wu
Comin' through takin' niggaz 'fore they're
Gone gone gone gone gone gone
Movin' to your left
I came to represent and carve my name within your chest
You can come test realize it's no contest son
I'm the gun who won that old wild west
Quick on the draw with my hands on the floor
Lovin' all those goddamn monkey rhymes galore
Check it cuz I think not when it's hip hop like propa
Rhymes be the proof when I'm drinkin' ninety proof vodka
No OJ no no straw
When you give it to me - yeah - give it to me raw I burn
Give it to me raw I burn
Chest hair
I don't need no chemical blow to pull no ho - no
All I need is chemical bank to pay her up
Is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son
Lemme know it's
1 2 3 4
Kill one - fuck it up and kill one
Fuck it up and kill one
Lemme know it's real
Let's go inside my astral plane
Find out my mental based on instrumental [enjambment]
Records hey so I can write monumental
Methods I'm not the king but niggaz is decaf
I stick 'em for the cream check it
Just how deep can shit get - get deeper than your fists
And brothers is mad pissed accept it
In your cross colors clothes you crossed over
And now ya totally crossed out and Kriss Kross
Who da boss niggaz get tossed to da side
And I'm the dark side of the force of course
It's the method man from the wu-tang clan
I be hectic and comin' for that headpiece protect it
Fuck it two tears in a bucket
Niggaz want the ruckas? so bust it at me son now bust it
Stylez I get buckwild method man on some shit
Fuck'n niggaz foul son I'm sick
Insane crazy drivin' miss daisy
How the fuck am I? now I got mine I'm swayze
Is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son lemme know it's real
Load it up and kill one
Load it up and kill one
Load it up and kill one
If it's really real
When I was a little stereo I used to be the champion
I always wonder when I would be the number one - hey hey hey
And now you listen to me darcon darcon
- - -
And all you niggaz come and test me test me
I'm gonna lick out your brains
Mothers wanna hang with the meth bring the rope
Cuz the only way you hang is by the neck
Nigga pump off a set comin' through all your projects
Take it as a threat or better yet it is a promise
Comin' like a vet on some old Vietnam shit
You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm on it
And it'll get even worse word to god it's the wu
Comin' through takin' niggaz 'fore they're
Gone gone gone gone gone gone
Movin' to your left
I came to represent and carve my name within your chest
You can come test realize it's no contest son
I'm the gun who won that old wild west
Quick on the draw with my hands on the floor
Lovin' all those goddamn monkey rhymes galore
Check it cuz I think not when it's hip hop like propa
Rhymes be the proof when I'm drinkin' ninety proof vodka
No OJ no no straw
When you give it to me - yeah - give it to me raw I burn
Give it to me raw I burn
Chest hair
I don't need no chemical blow to pull no ho - no
All I need is chemical bank to pay her up
Is it real son lemme know it's real son if its really real son
Lemme know it's
1 2 3 4
Kill one - fuck it up and kill one
Fuck it up and kill one
Lemme know it's real
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Tired...
I'm just so goddamned tired.
Of what?
Of people saying that they are the god damn nipple kings when clearly all that is happened is that they have grown a wuss-tumor in the form of turd cancer, and they are scared of the turd-pastor rising up and massacring them.
What TOTAL FUCKING FAGGOTS.
AMITRIGHT?
Of what?
Of people saying that they are the god damn nipple kings when clearly all that is happened is that they have grown a wuss-tumor in the form of turd cancer, and they are scared of the turd-pastor rising up and massacring them.
What TOTAL FUCKING FAGGOTS.
AMITRIGHT?
Re: All dat butt...
In regards to all that butt:
Look. Here's the thing.
Butt is as Butt does, but Butt will never, ever be a science.
I can sit here and auto-erotically asphyxiate myself until the fucking stars go blue in their nuts, but the fact of the matter remains thus:
Butt no science.
The sad truth is is that butt will be butt. You can't change butt, nor can you love butt, because butt is as butt does. Butt isn't quite a state of mind, but butt is a butt of the conversation.
I've heard some talk 'round these parts of The Moon lately.
I want you to know that this is fictional.
All them pretty words, all that stuff you been hearing about a so-called Moon is gib'rish.
The only thing real is the butt.
It is a harsh mistress, but it is at least a true one.
Thanks and god-damn-bless,
Scott, The Ass-man, Stapp.
Look. Here's the thing.
Butt is as Butt does, but Butt will never, ever be a science.
I can sit here and auto-erotically asphyxiate myself until the fucking stars go blue in their nuts, but the fact of the matter remains thus:
Butt no science.
The sad truth is is that butt will be butt. You can't change butt, nor can you love butt, because butt is as butt does. Butt isn't quite a state of mind, but butt is a butt of the conversation.
I've heard some talk 'round these parts of The Moon lately.
I want you to know that this is fictional.
All them pretty words, all that stuff you been hearing about a so-called Moon is gib'rish.
The only thing real is the butt.
It is a harsh mistress, but it is at least a true one.
Thanks and god-damn-bless,
Scott, The Ass-man, Stapp.
Friday, December 2, 2011
(#1) S.A.S. On: The Dog
This is a new feature here at Scott Alan Stapp Entertainment. L.L.C., it's called the Scott Alan Stapp On: and will be a hard-hitting editorial on the day's most important issues.
If I'm leveling with you it's because I recently got in trouble for putting my meatsack in a bowl of soup that displeased me in a public place. This is supposed to be the newer, more mature look of Scott A. Stapp.
And it's starting with dog's and the funnier things their penises are capable of.
Dog facts:
The dog is part wolf and part house cat. It was born in the 1500s because white people liked the way they smelled.
Currently there are no dog politicians, though certain dog factions wish to change this. Often cited arguments are the valuable contributions of Dogmonauts in the space race.
The space race was an opera about a race war in space. It took place under Nixon.
Long a popular president, Nixon was a closeted dog-hater and, therefore, a totally tricky dick.
There are long standing rumors that a dog's penis resembles lipstick but this is false because you can't apply a dog-donk to your nuts and have there be evidence 48 hours later.
****
Scott "Hitting facts hard" Stapp, out!
If I'm leveling with you it's because I recently got in trouble for putting my meatsack in a bowl of soup that displeased me in a public place. This is supposed to be the newer, more mature look of Scott A. Stapp.
And it's starting with dog's and the funnier things their penises are capable of.
Dog facts:
The dog is part wolf and part house cat. It was born in the 1500s because white people liked the way they smelled.
Currently there are no dog politicians, though certain dog factions wish to change this. Often cited arguments are the valuable contributions of Dogmonauts in the space race.
The space race was an opera about a race war in space. It took place under Nixon.
Long a popular president, Nixon was a closeted dog-hater and, therefore, a totally tricky dick.
There are long standing rumors that a dog's penis resembles lipstick but this is false because you can't apply a dog-donk to your nuts and have there be evidence 48 hours later.
****
Scott "Hitting facts hard" Stapp, out!
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