UPDATE ON THE KID ROCK-SCOTT ALAN STAPP FEUD

no news yet. remain vigilant!

Depression (Beef with Kid Rock)

Sorry I haven't been kicking much ass lately, guys. I've been in a bit of a slump.

Don't worry, though. I can will myself out of it at anytime I want. Any time I...

Ah, who am I kidding? I'm just not the same ever since me and Kid got in that feud...

Oh, what? You didn't hear?

So Disney recently decided to pass on a line of super-sweet Scott Alan Stapp action figures--badass ones where you pressed a button and my boner got HUGE.

But for some reason they optioned Kid's line of toys that you press a button and it then proceeds to rap somewhat harmlessly and mostly inoffensively. Lame!

So me and Kid are in a little spat over it.

Will we ever be able to overcome our differences?

Having Sex with a Mexican't (Adventures with kid rock no.4)

I was having phone sex while getting a blowjob the other day when Kid called me. I patched him in and we had a three way with some chick on the phone while this college girl slobbered on my hog.

Pretty cool.

Anyway, this college chick was all like, "I'm going to a sex party later, you wanna come?"

And I was like, "Hell yeah, but I'm gonna cum."

"I want in, S.S.!" Kid yelled over the phone.

"Damn, Kid, you heard that?"

Hell yeah, muthafuck, now gimme directions to that sex party!"

***

Several hours passed and then it was time for the sex party. So we went to the sex party and there were only black chicks there which was odd because it was a wednesday and usually fridays are my black chick nights, but it was cool cuz Kid loves the black ones.

Anyway, then a mexican showed up and me and Kid were all like, "damn girl, lemme break off a piece of that!" and she was like, "uh uh, papi, you gotta pay"

so then we payed her and me and Kid eiffel towered her and she said "no!"

-Scott A. Stapp, out!

Bitches and money

saw this girl at the library the other day (don't worry, I was just there to buy it and turn it into a party resort for bi-curious lesbians and myself + kid rock) and this girl was like, "Scott! What should I do with my life?"

I turned to her, dead serious: "make bitches and fuck money."

she looked confused. I threw on my sunglasses and fucking jetted.

day drunk

do itr.

UPDATE

This just in to the S.A.S. newsroom:

Herpes is contagious.

Also, it apparently lasts forever.

Financing a Porno (adventure with kid rock no. 3)

"PUT THE FUCKIN MONEY IN THE BAG, YOU FINE LOOKIN PIECE-UH-ASS!" Kid hollered at the old ass counter girl at McDonalds. We needed that money. We had a porno to shoot.

"GIVE US THE MONEY OR I CUT THIS BITCH FROM NECK TO DICK-SLOT!" I asserted, grabbing an old maid by the figurative balls, literally earlobes.

"HAHA, Nice one S.S.!" Kid chortled from behind his mask.

"God Dammit, Kid!" I chided, removing my own mask. "We weren't supposed to let anyone know who we are, dude!"

"Oh SHEAT!"

"wIlL yOu lEt Us gO NoW?" the old lady squawked in a voice as annoying as her typed dialogue.

I threw her through the plate-glass window for being uppity.

"DAYUM, S.S.! Niceeee"

"Hell yeah, I don't fuck around. You hear me? Scott Alan Stapp, social security number 260184602, DOESN'T fuck around!" I then paused to look directly into the security camera. Then Kid pulled the counter girl's spleen out of her eyeballs and she died.






















We are currently awaiting arraingment in San Mateo county for murder and grand larceny. Turns out those guys at McDonalds have almost as good lawyers as I do!

-Scott "please don't anally rape me while I'm in here guys, please I am rich! --Oh, shit! I mean, I'm... not rich? ARGH-GOD THE RAPE, IT HURTS!" A. Stapp, out!