Go on and fuck yourself.

Fuck you.  Everyone.  Go fuck yourself, you dumb fucking shithead.

-Scott "I hate myself and want to die" Stapp.

Fuck you.

New Instrument

Following the cock-guitar-slide debacle, I have since invented a new instrument, composing 37-original pieces and 1 cover (the Beetles' "Gimme Some of dat Crack!" for an all new album by Scott Stapp's and his Sissy Seven-piece, my new all girl, plus me band.

In other news, Scott Stapp's Sissy Seven-piece is now audition.  Requirments:

-No dudes
-No penii bigger than my hog
-At least one of the seven needs a sweet sucking crystal-faced grill
-=taoisn

-S.A.S.

Slide guitar with my cock

It's stuck.  The slide, I mean.  I put it on when mah junk was tiny, but then my junk got big and the end got purple, then it hurt and my left side went numb.  Now I type with one hand and muh ball tingle.

-Scott Stapp

ASK ME

if

    I

       Give
         
               One
               
                       Singal

                                Solid

                                          Piece of stank-mud.

Scot Stape.

Remember when...

You were a child and the world was like this big fucking box of donuts and you couldn't wait to get all that cream? It would just gush out and you'd be all like, "Yes. Fucking Yes. More of that!" and then the world just exploded with flavor.

Goddamn I miss those days.

(#2) S.A.S. On: The Drug War in Mexico

Our second feature here at Scotty Stapp L.L.C.. This week we will be talking about the Drug War in Mexico...



The Drug War in Mexico started in 1865 as the Civil War in the United States came to a close. Pissed off with the way black people were running the country, all of the Mexican'ts decided to runaway to the south of the United States, in Texas.

Texas president Daniel Boone said, "Uh-uh, Beanies. Not on my hog-watch." He then proceed to kick them out to the uninhabited region south of Texas. This is how come Mexico is called Mexico--because it was founded by Mexicans who had been kicked out of America.

Mexico then celebrated its new independence with a two-day rum orgy. One older gentleman fucked a Sun Bear. According to a very stoned witness the act was, "Pretty nuts, dude."

Soon after the fucking of the Sun Bear (which lead to the fall of Drunk Farmer Politician Pancho Villa) a young man named Cesar Chavez was born (yes, as a young man), and he celebrated his birth by immediately inventing cocaine out of the extract of the Bolivichan Coca plant.

Flash forward to six years later and Mr. Chavez was all up in that cocaine business. All was going well until Cesar decided to shoot the president of the united states of 'merica in the face.

Thus began the great Mexican Drug War and the Merida Initative.

-Reportage by Scottalanstaaaaaaapp.

Bones...

Is a pretty good show.

Minus the glaring and numerous scientific inaccuracies...

-Dr. Dr. Dr. Scott Alan Stapp.